As Australia is hit by an Antartic blast of cold wind and snow even here in sunny Queensland, every lady’s worst nightmare of dry skin and itchy legs has become a grim reality. WTF Antartica? Is this your way of saying “Keep eating those donut’s guuurrrl cos you are gonna need a layer of grease to protect yourself this winter!” Just like the whales? Or a penguin? Because there’s only so much krill oil and sardines I can take, you know?
Luckily #CheapArseTuesday is here with another LOW COST HIGH PERFORMANCE solution to all your dry skin woes this winter- some of which are actually based on truth!
[Disclaimer: not all of the assertions in this blog post are based on truth.]
There are three LOW COST HIGH PERFORMANCE solutions presented here. Each has their unpleasantries but who said beauty was all endless facials and looking your best? What happened to skin regimes and just not feeling like a 2000 year old mummy?
- Rosehip Oil
Tired of expensive creams which moisturise you beautifully but give your skin a pallid shade of anaemic since you had to haemorrhage $50 notes to buy it? Well look no further than the Hippy Aisle at your local Pharmacy to not only feel wonderfully sanctimommy-ish but also Forbes-level-expert of economic wizardry when you find out the price of rosehip oil. At around $20 for a vial of this wonder oil, you can look down comfortably from your Earth Mother High Horse (which, incidentally, is fed on only shaman-blessed vegan grass sustainably sourced from the foot hills of the Victorian Macedonian ranges) on all those other women using creams made in a chemistry lab: you are beauty at it’s most natural base.
[Disclaimer: rose hip oil is yellow, so if you put it on your face and then hop into bed, you’ll have to use hospital grade bleach to get the yellow out of your pillow case.]
[Disclaimer 2: obvs your sanctimommy status goes up if you buy organic but down if you get it from Coles.]
[Disclaimer 3: it’s an oil- your skin will be moisturised, but it will probs also be oily.]
- Sorbolene Cream
Using shower gels made out of archangel farts and the colostrum of virgin mothers? Don’t pay the equivalent of a day’s childcare just to wash yourself (which I’ve mentioned time and again is fairly overrated anyway)! Just buy a bottle of bottom of the supermarket shelf sorbolene +10% glycerine moisturiser for all your body needs. At $6 for over a litre of the stuff, slather it on before you hop in the shower, rub it in and wipe off for a wonderfully cheap moisturising clean. Cold cream was good for almost every lady of the 1950s so why not now? It’s not even as cold as back then thanks to global warming!! Of course, being winter and all, you may get hypothermia putting the cream on in your cold bathroom before you manage to get into the shower but hey ho.
[Disclaimer: This is endorsed by an actual dermatologist! He also recommend
s you drill holes in your shoes to moisturise your skin so again, hey ho. You can read the full transcript of his ideas on dry skin complaints here– some of them are quite practical!]
Drink lots. You can get this from most taps. IT’S FREE!
[Disclaimer: Except if you’re in a high-falutin restaurant. Then you’re back to haemorrhaging $50 notes again.]
So there you have it! Easier than rubbing yourself with whale fat, cheaper than eating donuts every other day.