Talking About the Nothings With My SheWolves.

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Warning: This post contains swears.

The first great weekend of being with my Shewolf pack and our collection of what felt like a thousand children occurred over the weekend on a little farm in the Far North Coast of NSW just in sight of Mt Warning. Six women and their kids rattled around the farmhouse (and camper trailer) for an entire glorious weekend. Amongst the chatter came a few truly great conversations: topics and syntax which will be discussed and reminisced and pulled out of the dregs of our memories for years to come. Exchanges I’d never thought I’d have or want to and others which make me smile like a giddy school girl. Here they are:

  1. Sussie and the fucking chickens

It amused the group no end when, on being in the kitchen and hearing an adult exclaim “What has she got on that trampoline??”  I popped my head around the corner to see my first born child slowly working her way up to a high bounce while holding a brown chicken tight enough for an egg to spontaneously pop out. Of course, being a mother and incapable of anything but the tried and true means of telling-off, I yelled out in a dulcet tone:  “What did I say about chickens on the trampoline?[For fuck’s sake!]” Because I talk about chickens and trampolines in the same sentence all the time. (insert eye roll)

  1. Ovens, Ovens, Ovens, Ovens, Ovens, Ovens, Ovens

At which point in our lives did we morph into human beings who can have a twenty-
minute conversation on the topic of ovens? Fast ovens, slow ovens, ovens with
hotspots, oven disasters, oven triumphs, recipes which are indestructible no matter which oven you have… the scope of sub topics is enormous. We used to talk about adventures from far off countries, the women we’d like to be when we grew up, the ins and outs of sexual liaisons. Now we talk about ovens. I can’t decide whether this means the scope of conversation has increased or diminished.
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  1. Kids and sleeping

Where is Noni Hazelhurst (#allhailqueennoni #noniforPM) and her “Get The Fuck To Sleep” book when you bloody need her? Friday night was hellish in the getting the kids the fuck to sleep business. Of course this generally happens when you create a School Camp type atmosphere with a billion kids playing hard until it’s dinnertime when the kids then all sit around a table together and rile each other up even more…  Lots of “Why won’t  they? FUCK!?” and whispered refrains of “Little shits!” were spat out on that first night.

  1. Judgement and getting slightly hammered

She Wolf #1: “This could sound slightly wrong given that it is just after 2pm, but I could really go a glass of rose.”

She Wolf #2: “Thank fuck- let’s make apple martinis.”

And they were sensational. Like those hot apple pie whiskey things we had in Japan but cold


Chickens from the Big Chicken House.
  1. Pant Allergies

Because the relationship between kids and pants never did run smooth, the Boetman had meltdowns over wearing long pants. Once they were on, the pants got wet in the heavy dew and then he refused to take them off. One of the SheCubs didn’t give a toss about pants, nappies or undies at all and at any unsupervised moment took them all off. Good for her.


  1. Judgement and getting slightly hammered #2

To be fair, this was a very brief conversation involving the merits of whether walking 500 metres up the farm highway (dirt track) to feed the chickens in the big chicken house should involve a very full glass of champagne each. I’ll let you decide on whether that happened or not (may or may not have been after the apple martini episode).

Delightfully inane topics of conversation all five you’ll agree. Yes there were tales of work and heartbreak and heartache and hearts full of love, but it was intermingled with these other beautiful stretches of meaningless banter which, because of their infrequency, meant they were important beyond measure.

This is what it means to feel at ease with friends. To have time constraints removed, to decompress from the rush to attend a quick dinner or coffee or phone call. Extraordinarily meaningless, salve-to-my-middle-aged-bones conversation. And It Was Wonderful.


What are your favourite topics to talk about with friends? Pants? Chickens? Ovens?

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