School dress up days. Is there anything more hateful? I’m totally down with teachers drawing a big fat middle finger on a handout in the shape of “DRESS UP DAY!!!” because they put up with all sorts of shitful shenanigans in that classroom. I’m with my daughter a lot and she is awesome but she’s also the world’s most persistent negotiator and isn’t always totally is rarely compliant to instructions. Multiply that by the number of kids in class, each with their own diverse and delightfully irritating personality traits and I’m surprised primary school teachers haven’t been campaigning for shorter school days for years. Here’s five other ways you know those sweet, professionally overworked educators hate you:
- Annoyingly helpful sayings
Example: “You get what you get and you don’t get upset.” When Sussie came home with this pearler in the second week of Prep (Kindergarten), I hailed her teacher as my new messiah. Finally, something to have in my arsenal when things like water in a blue, not orange, cup are about to ignite a nuclear explosion of snot and tears at dinner time. Except when I pull out a white chocolate bar from the Cadbury Favourites box (WTF white chocolate IS NOT CHOCOLATE!!), pout and attempt to choose again: “You get what you get Mama!” Faaaarck you Prep teacher.
- Costume Dress Up Day
Helps them to engage on a deeper level with the subject matter? Yes. Fun for the kids? Absolutely. Builds school spirit and inter-student relationships? I suppose. Fun for parents? Hell no. Fiela’s body was almost removed from his head when he suggested I should “think about it beforehand and spend more time” on Sussie’s costume if I wanted it to look more authentic. After four afternoons crafting, $25 worth of crafting crap from the $2 Shop and at the end a costume which looked more drunk-wine-gnat than graceful dragonfly, it’s pretty clear that these teachers hate me.
- Homework children need help with
Sorry? You mean you aren’t able to teach my daughter how to read in a 20 hour teaching week? Can’t you do sight words and readers at school? What are you doing all bloody day? Maths? Science? Art? Sport? Why does my child have homework which includes thinking about, choosing and researching an insect and me having to sit and discuss topics such as this insect and its life cycle? I thought that was what the library was for. I’ve got Facebook to check: there’s no time for doing all that work and realising that a snail is not an insect. #truestory
- Craft projects
There must be a special skip over at the recycling centre marked “For the Teachers’ Torture Chamber”, or the classroom where insects/ animals/ pet houses/ robots etc etc etc are made out of cardboard boxes and bottle tops and then exported home for the express purpose of annoying the shit out of parents whose main cleaning method involves vacuuming the open carpet. There is no ‘open’ space when your child is in primary school because there is craft at school which is then at home. I have spoken of this blight before.
- Parent help
Still not sure your kid’s teacher hates you? You will be. It might be when they give you a complicated list of activities (matching and sorting) to do with sight words and a small group of excitable five year olds. It could be when you’re asked to bring in an item from home that’s ‘old’ but not ‘breakable’. Or perhaps when you’re called on to help out with long division. All of which leave you feeling either drained or stupid.
Yep, they hate you. But they generally enjoy your annoying child and are happy to wipe away tears when they fall over and encourage them to try again at a hard maths problem and instill the foundations of what it is to be a good citizen. Primary school teachers are irritating like that.
Note: Teacher’s are wonderful people doing a wonderful and IMPORTANT job. Give your child’s teacher a hug today! (Or chocolate or wine or both.)
Linking up with Essentially Jess and #IBOT