I had a shocker on the weekend. And by shocker I mean checked my brain into bed and then attempted to go about the rest of my day like a stoned meerkat.
simply need to suck that hangover up!
So into the car on this amazing autumn day Sussie and I piled and headed down to Peregian Beach for a seven-year-old’s birthday party. Imagine the feeling of ineptitude as I’m assured by not one, nor two but three birthday party groups at the park that no, none are the one we’re looking for.
“Shit. Shit! Shiiiiit!” Cue sheepish phone call to the mother who guffawed so much I thought she was going to hyperventilate: the party was on tomorrow. To be honest, I was almost deliriously happy. Not happy that I couldn’t read a simple invitation but happy I could go home and be delirious there, away from the public eye.
After coffee and cake, the sun beaming down on Sussie and I as we munched and contemplated whether being feckless was genetic or developmental behaviour, we decided we should go for a bike ride. But the bike tyres were completely flat, so had to pump those up. Sussie realised her shoes were too small after she developed blisters all over her feet half way into the ride. I left my phone on a park bench when we stopped to pump the tyres again so our leisurely ride looking at the scenery turned into a hellish journey of “Quickly!” and “My feet hurt!” in an effort to get back to see if the bloody phone was where I’d left it.
My phone was still sitting on the park bench and I decided it was probably best if we just went home and had a little lie down.
Imagine my relief when the next day we turned up at the party (with my shit together no less) to find lots of stoned meerkats masquerading as parents. I was clearly not the only one self-medicating with chardonnay- here was the proof!
So here’s a list I came up with which might give us all a little help parenting in the morning after a late night:
If you know you will be having a late night on the pinky ponk juice, organise a playdate for your child (at their house of course. NOT at yours). Then go and get a McMuffin or an organic sourdough poached egg and haloumi combo depending where you sit on the hangover breakfast scale.
It’s acceptable to be tired and ‘off your game’ because the kids woke up through the night. You will receive sympathy from others and even perhaps the offer to take your children off your hands so you can have a rest. Admit you were up having a few reds with friends hence your sketchy ability to parent today? You get nothing but laughter, sneers and if you’re lucky, a “Sucks to be you.”
Ha! Pffft. Just thought I’d throw that one in to see if you made it this far down the post.
4. Couch games
These are games you can employ with your kids to keep them occupied without you having to leave the couch or even move, for example playing with Lego or Sleeping Lions. There is a comprehensive list here from The Ugly Volvo. I think she’s just tired but maybe she’s employing a bit of #2.
Green smoothie + exercise + sweating = detox. You’ll either vomit or feel great. I usually go with Panadol, Berocca and some vigorous hanging out of the washing.
6. Screen time
Oh glorious Ipad. Oh delightful app store. How I do love thee when I’ve imbibed too much truth serum! Seriously though- one of the most effective ways to keep your kids quiet and out of your throbbing head space.
7. Busy morning=lazy afternoon
My personal fave. Here I take my children to the park/beach/front lawn and run them ragged. Yes it’s hellish and will probably involve more stoned meerkat action from me but the payoff is that once lunch is done, those kids will be more than happy to watch a movie and not move from the couch. Which means I get to have an uninterrupted lie down and if I’m lucky, I’ll drift off to sleep to the sounds of “To Infinity… And BEYOND!”
What’s your hangover cure for parents?
(NB: Alcoholism isn’t funny. If you are concerned about how alcohol can affect parents and their children, or you think you may have a problem with drinking, you can look here for support and information.)