Gifts Your Mother Will Hate This Mothers’ Day.

It’s taken six and a half years, but I’m finally at a point where an automated vacuum cleaner actually seems like the best present I could be given for Mothers’ Day. Woops, besides my children. Of course. Yep, they’ve definitely  been ever present. For the last six and a half years.

Anyway, I probs won’t get my vacuuming robot because “What’s wrong with the one you’ve got??” So much. So much is wrong. The wrongness starts at the door where EVERYONE drags half the beach in, continues to where the kids have dinner and then on to where people get undressed for a shower and leave another pile of sand… Wrong.

And I’m super happy with a coffee in bed and a homemade card. Just don’t buy me these:

  1. Chocolate

Mothers day 1

Since I’m still getting over the Easter Fat Fest and my winter fat pants are already starting to show signs of strain, I think chocolate would push me over into needing to do another Body Challenge of some kind. And  it’s been clearly established that Mama is NOT HAPPY when she’s on 1200 calories a day. Don’t get me this.

 

2. Food related appliance used by everyone in the family.

Mothers Day 2

Nothing says “Make me some food Maid!” more than  a toaster on Mothers’ Day.  Don’t gift me something that’s actually for everyone.

 

3. Lady Garden Stuff.

Mothers day 3

“Hey Mother of My Children, do you think it might be time to inflict more pain on yourself?” said idiotic partner. Since giving birth and then hitting yourself in the Lady Bonnet every day since isn’t enough do you mean? Really? I mean. Can’t even.

 

4. Outrageously impractical clothing.

Mothers day 6

For all those out there who don’t have kids, wear white, lots. Because once you have them, you can’t wear anything white for like… twenty years. By which stage the only place you’ll be wearing white is on your shoes to Bowls. DO NOT get me this beautiful white fluffy sweater that looks lovely for little dirt machines to snuggle up to.

 

5.  Sleep wear

Mothers day 7

Almost worse than hankies and dressing gowns… floral sleepwear. Just don’t.

 

6.  Craft

Mothers day 4

Because I’m not dragged into enough poke-myself-in-the-eye craft projects, why not give me one ALL TO MYSELF. Again, I’d rather poke myself in the eye.

 

Here’s what I’d actually like:

This:

Mothers day 5

with this:

Mothers day 8

followed by this:

Mothers day 10

and ending with this:

Mothers Day 11

Oh all right I suppose these muppets can come along too:

IMG_5737

 

What do you dread receiving on Mothers’ Day?

7 thoughts on “Gifts Your Mother Will Hate This Mothers’ Day.

  1. BAHHAHAHHAHAHHA! I despise all of those things as well, with the exception of chocolate. I already have my present, which I chose on a whim when I was out with the family last week. A fire pit. Just needs a bottle of wine and a box of Lindt to go with it and we’re ready to roll.

    Like

  2. I’ll take all unwanted chocolate. It will be well deserved after I make my muppets run the 8km Mothers Day run with me this Sunday. Ba ha ha ha. Revenge is sweet.

    Like

  3. I got lots of chocolate for our wedding anniversary last week AND Mother’s Day. Which is kinda tough as I am (quietly) walking again and watching my diet. Guess it’s just gonna take me longer to get into it and lose those kilos! I was spoiled rotten this year x

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s