Warning: This post contains swear words.
My mobile phone karcked it (Aussie slang for ‘stopped working’) after I left it on the charger and came back later to find it was that hot I could fry an egg on it. I had six adults and six kids running around the house fuelled by chocolate or alcohol and a half cooked slab of pig in the oven, so at the time I didn’t give it a lot of thought beyond “That’s going to be a shit later” and moved on to Easter Sunday lunch festivities.
Now it is the first Wednesday of a two week school holiday stint and due to factors beyond my ability to give anything more than two shits about, I won’t have a working phone until at least late next week. There are some pros and cons to this.
Pro: My well worn excuse being that my phone is rooted and that’s why I haven’t gotten back to you, is actually now true.
Con: No one believes me when I say I didn’t get back to them because my phone is rooted.
Pro: Don’t have to be subjected to play dates with annoying kids because no one can contact me.
Con: School holidays go for a really long time without someone else distracting your kid for a bit of it.
Pro: I can’t waste endless
minutes hours checking Facebook.
Con: … That’s a hard one to come back at. Won’t use up my data for the month on Facebook??
Pro: Everyone has to contact my husband if they want to socialise with us.
Con: We are going to be late to every social function because my husband is now “In Charge”
And I look at every one of these first world problems and feel like every single one is a con. That my life would be infinitely easier without my phone. I’d be that fabulous parent at the park who actually played tag with her kids instead of sitting down and taking photos of them. I’d bake more, have a cleaner house, a tighter marriage, polite children and enough extra dollars a month to satisfy my current swoon over Eos boots.
Of course my instagram account will be a bit pants over the next few weeks (because it’s so awesome at the moment- Ha!) and anyway let’s face it, my photos look like they were taken by a shit-faced squirrel. But on the other hand I’ll be building rapport with my own flesh and blood, not spammers like @stuzeofficial who said a photo of mine was ‘dope’. I’m not sure what that even means anymore.
Yep, I can officially pull out my Sanctimummy badge and be the hippy-go-lucky Mum I was surely meant to be. Without my phone.
Actually, fuck that. I need my phone. Here’s why I need my phone:
- Sanity: It is my life line to the outside world where I can text a sista from my hood and say something along the lines of “Faaaarck Boetman just drew in dark blue texta over the new carpets. Faaaaaarck!” or more likely… “The kids have drawn on the carpets. I’m drinking wine. Do you wanna come over and drink wine?
- Humour: I can take a video of Sussie launching herself off a trampoline headfirst into a rubber foam pit at the Big Boing and send it to Fiela so he too can laugh.
- Community: I can call a friend I’ve been meaning to call for ages because a) I have her number in my phone and b) the kids are occupied for five minutes (just jokes, they hear me dialling and start killing each other/ drawing on carpet).
- Disaster Management: I have my phone in case the car breaks down or my kid breaks something on his/her body or some other emergency related matter (like that carpet and wine matter from before).
Why do you need your phone? And how do you cope without it? I need some direction here people!