How to Determine Whether You Are Too Old For Rock Concerts.

Poor Mads. How was she to know that the dynamic and mean age of her followers would be a little different in Brisbane last night. And what about those poor sods who thought they’d be tucked back up in bed just Like a Virgin by 10.30pm, 11pm max??

Madonna-Rebel-Heart-Concert-Tour160312-010
Loud music!! Fancy costumes!!! Quick dance moves!!!! Beware- this is not for the faint hearted or those needing to catch trains. Photo courtesy www.noise11.com

Anyhoo, for all now rethinking this whole rock concert bizzo, I’ve devised a quick quiz to work out whether it’s still for you. These are simple yes or no questions.

  1. You saw the same person or band in concert 20++ years ago.
  2. Your outfit is based on comfort, not how ‘hot’ you look. Add an extra ‘yes’ if your shoes are flat with arch support or at a stretch,  low heeled (much deliberation took place over this).
  3. You can afford (and/or contemplate buying) every piece of merchandise being sold.
  4. You need to be up in the morning early to ‘get to the farmers’ markets’ or some such other important weekend carry on.
  5. You bring your own insulated carry bag of deli goods sourced from a market for dinner because food at the venue is ‘awful’.
    Concert platter
    You prepared this and ate it in the car park…

    pie and coke
    … rather than eat this.
  6. Loud noises, like little children or tweens driving with the music turned up irritates you.
  7. Mum and Dad won’t pick you up after the concert because they stopped doing that years ago.
  8. The babysitter will be able to go on a holiday to Bali on his/her fees from being in the house while your kids slept all night.
  9. You limit the consumption of alcohol because you ‘just can’t do hangovers anymore.’
  10. You’re irritated that the biggest diva on Earth is a few hours late because you need to catch the train or go to work or something else a person with just one trademarked name couldn’t give a pointy cupped brassiered toss about since you’ve paid your $100++ for a ticket and the next time they tour it’ll be with Tena adult diapers as a sponsor.

Answered yes to at least five of these? Then perhaps you should just buy the concert on DVD or itunes, watch it in your media room at home and save the rest of us from your whingeing on morning television. We’ve got infomercials to watch.

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