You know you’ve had a good break on your holiday when you yearn for some moderation in your life. Early nights, perhaps just one 24 hour period which doesn’t involve alcohol, food that could be considered healthy according to World Health Organisation standards, and a day which didn’t involve your children asking “when are we going to eat at the restaurant” before every mealtime…
So if you’re dragging yourself through the last few working days of the year, staring into space during meetings as you daydream about holiday fun and fantasising about how to decapitate that workmate who keeps using your stapler without asking, here’s how to achieve what seems absolutely impossible right now: a desire to return to the ‘normality’ of work and household chores.
Lollipops at 10am: Sure! Wineries/restaurants/pubs with playgrounds and a diet of chicken nuggets: everyone’s a winner!! Late nights of Pixar movie watching: woops sorry kids no bedtime story tonight!!! “No you can’t have – *child starts screaming* – Oh okay we’re on holidays after all *child stops screaming*” Because your kids being feral 24 hours a day never gets old (obvs I’m joking: it takes 2 and a half weeks then it’s really old).
Eat it. Drink it:
Usually a two drinks on a Saturday night and that’s it for the week kind of person? Well it’s The Season and it’s time to cut loose. Getting a burger from the dodgy beach side fish and chippery? Wash it down with a beer (or at least a sugary ginger beer). It’s 4pm? That’s wine time in the “How to Holiday” manual. Usually wouldn’t touch a doughnut with a deep fried 10-foot pole? Now’s the time to get one with nutella and vegemite or whatever crazy shit they’re putting on doughnuts these days. Passing by a pie shop which claims to have the best pies in the country? Stop. Buy one. Taste it. Refute/Support this claim on Instagram/ Facebook/Twitter/Pinterest to the annoyance of all your friends still at work. And whatever you do NEVER EVER ORDER THE SALAD.
So you’ve managed to eat some vegetables and kept your alcohol/sugar/salt intake at moderate levels. Perhaps you really need to up your High Living intake with a procession of late nights, one after the other. Afterall, no tired person ever said “I’m really in love with this bed which is not my own in a room I only feel 65% comfortable in and I’m pretty sure everyone in the kitchen can hear me fart/ roll over.”
Spend every waking minute with extended family members. Follow this up with attempts to coordinate all of these family members to turn up to the one place at the same time. Repeat. Keep repeating until you want to stab yourself in the eye.
And the piste de resistance…
Load up your credit card:
If you can, go somewhere else for a few weeks and take absolutely no supplies with you. Then buy everything you need and tons of things you might just want one day, with little to no regard as to the cost of things. Nothing screams “I need to get back to work!!” than a bank account which has been relentlessly flogged for a few weeks.
To be honest, you probably don’t need to do all four of these, just a combination of any two will have you screaming for home and normality time.
Happy holidays everyone !