How to Ditch Your Husband and Kids Through Being Completely Dis-organised.

Is it possible that I am the most disorganised organised person on the planet?? I know lots of people who are like this, but let’s start with my own failings to make everyone feel better about themselves:

Organised: I write very detailed lists including meal plans for the week so that I only buy what I need and have all the ingredients for said meals so I don’t have to go back to the shops for at least a week.
VERSUS
Disorganised: Unsurprisingly and unfailingly, I leave my shopping list at home, buy half of what I need, double up on what I’ve already got at home and then forget essential ingredients for planned dinners (such as spaghetti for Spaghetti Bolognese). Suffice to say I’m on very familiar terms with every staff member at our local supermarket whom I see daily.
SLXLM

 I swear to God I have written out a list as simple as this, left it at home, forgotten the eggs and bought bleach instead. Super helpful.
Organised: I made a picnic hamper for a flight to Melbourne for myself and three girlfriends so we didn’t have to buy Jetstar’s Mainland Cheese and Crackers or a Peppery Pigs Bollocks Pie that’s been recently heated up in a microwave. Albeit I did get three different kinds of shit from these women I was feeding UNTIL they saw the greatness and wonderful civility of having home made hummus, a nice sharp cheddar and gourmet water crackers with your in-flight wine. #feelingsmug
VERSUS
Disorganised: It’s taken me 10 months to realise that making school lunches the night before school is actually infinitely easier than making them in the morning. Previously I was running around like a twitterpated budgie with a lunchbox being the object of its affection. Not a great look at 7.45am when you’re still in your pyjamas screaming about teeth brushing and show&tell. #feelingmoronic
SLXLM

 A representation of me as a budgie at around 8:10am every school morning.
Photo Courtesy BirdsOnline.de
Organised: Every year, as part of the Christmas present frenzy I navigate my way through Vistaprint’s calendar nightmare and conjure up a wonderful (tedious) collation of photos of my nephews and my own children. I even put in the dates of every family member’s birthday.
VERSUS
Disorganised: It is a running family joke that I ring my nephews, brothers, sister-in-laws and all other persons of note at least 24 hours outside their actual birthday: I am generally incapable of contacting them within respectable hours on the actual day.
An example of the kind of gift my family would RATHER receive instead of another boring feckless calendar of kids who won’t look at the camera and are never smiling anyway.
I thought I was alone. But no, I’m not. In fact Peckerhead, my friend who basically organises the state of Queensland and everyone in it (#TrueStory) it turns out is so disorganised on some fronts she teeters at the feckless end of the spectrum. For example, when she leaves my house, we go through a checklist of items like phones, prescription glasses, children, wallet and anything else she’ll need couriered down to Brisbane because she forgot to pack it and can’t live without it. Another #True Story.
More pertinently though, she completely screwed up some dates in regards to her husband’s interstate work arrangements. My family and her family were supposed to get together for the weekend while she and I scuttled off to the Brisbane Food and Wine Expo, returned to our children in the afternoon and relieved our husbands of childminding duties while they went out for a night of sport and beer. But Cam’s not going to be there now he’s away for work, and Fiela, awesome though he may be, ain’t going to hang around for a weekend of chit chat with me and Peckerhead about ‘tamps’ and ‘mooncups’ and babysit four kids all day Saturday while their mothers get slowly toasted  = yet another weekend of me time.
Come to think of it, maybe Peckerhead is operating on a level of Organisation which is so complex  it looks like DisOrganisation but is actually Fucking Genius. I think I’m going to go with the latter this time around.

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