This is a post for all those out there who seem to think I’m a culinary wizard. Yes, yes, I’ve been known to render down mine own duck fat with which to confit duck legs in. And there was that time that I made a four layer Forerro Rocher cake with enough sugar to give a horse Type 2 Diabetes.
Just touching this cake with your finger would give you Type 2 diabetes. So Much Sugar. Even the healthy addition of nuts on top is negated because they are covered in SUGAR.
And yet a simple iced chocolate cake has brought me to my floury knees.
I was once known as a uniformly terrible baker until a cheffy friend let me in on a little secret- it’s an exact science. Unlike a curry which can only be improved by throwing more and more bits from little bottles into it. Not so a baked item. A cup of flour is a cup of flour. NOT a cup of flour and a little toss of the bag more “Because it doesn’t look like very much.” #TrueStory
Anyway, today I used a CWA recipe for a simple chocolate cake. It took about half an hour longer to bake than the recipe said. This was the first sign that things weren’t right. But it looked fine.
For the icing I winged it. Clearly this is Mistake #2. It was supposed to be a chocolate butter cream icing.
People, I give you Chocolate Dog Poo Cake:
Mmmm dog poo on a cake. Yummy.
I’m not going to go into the steps which have resulted in the Chocolate Dog Poo Cake, because there was some dodgy decision making right at the start, though I really screwed it up about three steps towards the end.
Needless to say, we won’t be dividing this one up to be distributed to the neighbours. Except for the idiots over the back, they can have some.
Line up idiots #chocolatedogpoocake
Sussie had a taste of the cake on its own and liked it but it’s got sugar and is chocolatey so she can’t really be trusted. Fiela screwed his face up and told me the CWA lady must have “been spending a lot of time on her own” with further suggestion that hard liquor was also involved in the penning of this particular recipe – the cake sucked. Really? ‘Sucked’?
But the icing is where it has all come unstuck. Sliced into very thin pieces you can’t tell, but truly, I don’t think I’ll be rushing back to make Chocolate Dog Poo Cake any time soon.