How not to really irritate your partner on their birthday.

If you’ve been living under a rock, you may not know that it’s been Birthday Month in our house. A time of completely sanctioned hedonism which culminates on the actual Birth Date. And then it continues a bit longer after until my body fat ratio says STOOOOPPPP.

However, after last year’s appallingly dismal performance from my husband in the celebration stakes (had to buy my own card on the day, not one present nor ‘special’ thing planned to be found and then we camped in an isolated surf spot so he could fish and surf, (my wrath was absolute and lengthy), he was keen to ensure that, and I quote verbatim,  “I don’t get bollocked like last year.”  He’s not stupid. But he is a man so he is a little bit stupid as the following conversation proves:
Him: So do you think that we can fix those ugg boots… or do you want to get new ones?
Me: I can get them sewn up; they’re still great and besides, winter is almost over?!
Him: Yeah right, it’s just I thought I could get you some new ones for your birthday.
Me: No thanks, my uggs are fine.
SLXLM

 The offending ugg boot. Still loads of life let in these old girls.
(Pause of 5 minutes)
Him: Well I also thought I might get you an abseiling experience off that big cliff in the hills…
Me: I did that a few years ago.
Him: … but they’re all booked out anyway.
(Another pause while his brain ticks furiously. Or probably not-  he’s watching a fishing show)
SLXLM

 The first step in the right “Happy Birthday” direction.
Him: Alright, well I guess I’ll have to disappear for a few hours tomorrow (birthday eve)…
Me: How long is a ‘few hours’?? (In reference to a Christmas Eve a few years ago when he ‘disappeared’ for 8 hours to get me a present and came back with a random candelabra. True Story.)
Him: Just a few in the afternoon.
SLXLM

 Step number 2 in the right “Happy Birthday” direction.
Crikeys. At best, I could hope for a canister to hold my kitchen utensils in. Inspirational. I gave a few hints about new sunglasses, a watch, swimmers etc and then gave up saying our impending trip to Fiji was enough (which it certainly will be).  But being  a wonderful bloke (or perhaps still scarred from last year) he insisted I needed ‘something’ to unwrap.
So with not a little trepidation I opened my gift on birthday morning- a wonderful voucher for a fancy swimmer shop in town which stocks Seafolly and Jets swimwear exclusively. Again, I quote verbatim “It’s for $100, which should probably get you a hat as well as swimmers, don’t you think?” Sigh. So lovable and naïve.
SLXLM

Another 2 steps forward but then one back in the “Happy Birthday” direction. This particular $180 swimsuit is the one I like. Unfortunately MY boobs look like squashed mangoes in the bikini top.
I broke the news that the voucher would purchase the bottom of the bikini but not the top and thought his brain would explode with the economics of it all.
From ugg boots to the bottom half of a pair of swimmers,  it’s the thought that counts. And I do count him as a blessing, which is really present enough (though I would love some new Raybans. Just sayin’).

 

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