A Thermomix review: You had me at “Hello” then lost me at “Let’s Dance”.

Thermomix header

I’m a little bit in love with Matt Preston when he’s not talking: I can’t stand all that Masterchef pontificating. However, he writes like a dreamboat so when I heard him say that the Thermomix was just a “fancy blender”, he managed to get his leg, not just that Size 10 foot, through the door of my heart.

thermomix vs matt preston

I went to my first Thermomix presentation two years ago. It was hosted by one of the most beautiful, radiant and funny women in the world, Ashleigh: the type of person whose friendship circle you want to get into ASAP the moment you meet them. The only problem is you get in line with every other person who comes into contact with her so getting a spare moment alone is akin to the gods at Chanel saying “Come on in! We’ll fit you in whatever you want even though you’re 50 sizes bigger than our normal models.” Plus she’s a mother of three and got about a thousand things going on at any given moment. So I went to her house for a demonstration about this Thermodick thing, partly just to say hi, knowing absolutely nothing about what this thing was but pretty sure that for the price of a second hand car, I didn’t need it.

This lasted for about 10 seconds until the moment she turned raw sugar into dust within that very time frame.  Holy Whole Foods Batman! It would be awesome for making curry powders and pastes (which at that stage I was still pounding with a Neolithic mortar and pestle) and I spent the next half hour wondering which strategy would work best on convincing Fiela that $2000 was a totally acceptable amount of money to spend on a kitchen appliance.

Baby thermomix
Quite possibly the only photo on Google which is slightly inappropriate or even suggests this machine will just make you tired, suck the life out of you and leave you with a load of shit to clean up. Photo courtesy of Super Kitchen Machine


Then she made the salad/coleslaw with beetroot and apple and stuff and the Game was Over. It was delicious and she did make it in about 2 minutes, but the fruit and veg had been annihilated. Some of it was in lovely uniform chunks, some looked like baby food and there was also about a quarter of an apple  in mine that looked like it had been bitten and rejected by a vegetarian shark.

I like my vegetables either grated, or sliced, or cubed or julienned. And I knew this scatter-gun approach to the processing of vegetables would send my blood pressure into the outer stratosphere. I’m reasonably easy going, but don’t fuck with the way my fruit and vegetables are cut.

So that was that. No Thermomix for me. I don’t care how wonderful the custard or the butter or the butter chicken is. I will not be purchasing one. Don’t ask me to.

More reasons are stated in this youtube video:
… and Hugzilla blog outlined even more reasons here.
That’s not to say YOU shouldn’t get one. My friend The Farmer’s Wife is mother to two small children, lives out in the boondocks and is a hallowed member of her local CWAA. She’s got a Thermomix and uses it everyday but then she works full time and uses at least an hour of everyday driving to and from work. She is time poor and for that alone, the Thermomix is great for her. She also wouldn’t let me cut up chicken for the Butter Chicken because “You’ll just do it wrong” (see how we’re friends?) and thus proves you can get beyond the non-precise nature of the chopping function in this machine if you try hard enough.

I’ve bought a Nutri-bullet instead for about an 8th of the cost of a Thermomix to do all that heavy duty grinding of pastes and powders. It’s pretty awesome. And I’ve got some beautiful knives and a gas cook top/electric overn I love. Aldi also sells organic salted butter pretty cheap (though it means I have to go there). So I’m set. Yes, it may take me a bit longer than my applianced sistas to knock out a custard, but I’m cool with that in my passive aggressive way. After all, not everyone can live without a Thermodick.

NB: This is NOT a paid advertisement because Thermomix won’t give me one for free even though I’ve asked them a few times.

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