How throw a cheap children’s birthday party. #CheapArseTuesday

Are you tired of costly children’s parties? Not only are you expected to host them for your own children,  but you’re expected to buy presents these tiny purse-ninjas. How can the average Cheap Arse save money on these annual celebrations of emptying your wallet? It’s as easy as blowing out the candles on your children’s birthday cakes and with them, their dreams of a Neverland party.

The Neverland Ranch- scene of may a ridiculous birthday party (including Kim Kardashian’s 14th?!). Photo courtesy: Popsugar 


It does require quite a bit of forethought, but for a true Cheap Arse, no bit of planning is tricky enough when it comes to saving some pennies. Just remember, timing is everything.
1.Time of year
The best time to make birthday savings  is to plan to have your children at the correct time of year. Obviously a Christmas baby saves a tonne of money in that it is completely acceptable to spread the amount of presents you would normally give your child at Christmas over both Christmas AND their birthday.  Of course this is not always a saving in the long term, as your child will no doubt spend the equivalent of a mortgage on counselling sessions to discover why Santa was such a lousy Cheap Arse.
This is what the Boetman’s 3rd birthday party could have looked liked. #soz #neverhappening Photo courtesy of Spaceships and laser beams
2.Utilising The School Holiday Exodus
If you can’t manage a Christmas baby, simply giving birth during school holidays  is enough to recoup money, as I discovered a few days ago. The Boetman’s  3rd birthday fell on the first Monday of school holidays whereby I dutifully scheduled his birthday party. I invited 12 children, some of whom were little brothers of Sussie’s friends and the rest were the neighbourhood kids he hassles on a regular basis. Of these children, only two poor unfortunates made it, having missed out on an overseas holiday or just a few days at Nana and Pop’s like the rest of the kids. I’d stumbled upon perhaps the greatest money saver of all- have parties when noone can come. Brilliant!  Of course, I’ve already spoken on this particular strategy and reiterate that It’s Ok To Think It, Just Don’t Say It.
Use decorations on the cake which double as presents. You’d be a fool not to put a figurine or two on your cake for two reasons. Firstly to hide the fact your icing is whisper thin and secondly to show you’re not a cheap arse but actually very generous. You can even let your child lick the icing off the figurine- a true birthday treat.
There you go: three foolproof  ways of saving money on your kids birthday parties. Who says having kids is expensive??
Here’s what his birthday actually looked like:

4. Plan for the Future
If you’re truly serious about not spending money on kids parties in the future, your best bet is to make THIS party as shitty as possible. Since there were only 4 kids in attendance, I dispensed with party games and bags beyond a Freddo Frog and a balloon each. The cake made up for it a little because of it’s sheer size. Other than that, the children were told to play in their rooms until I called them out for the cake. That was the party. These are the actions of a true #cheaparse and are not for the fainthearted.
A happy Boetman with a cake bigger than his head- which is quite a feat let me tell you!
The Boetman, revelling in chocolate cake. Happy Birthday gorgeous little man.

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